I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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