what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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