see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
