nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize