My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
