I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
