I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
