Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
