I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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