i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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