you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the day after is always just damage control
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
