Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
