was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
