My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
