My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
