Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize