On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
