Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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