I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
