I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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