He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
