I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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