Betty ford says i'm here all night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
