please come you make the beer taste better
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
