its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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