If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
