If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
