btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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