Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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