I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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