after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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