America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
