in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
