Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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