Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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