Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
