a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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