i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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