Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
