Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My ass is underappreciated
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
