____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
