Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
