so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
