the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
