wrigley field is MILF paradise
Someone shit on the floor
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I lost the right to judge tonight
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
