well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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