I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
