Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
