No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
