he shaved USA in his pubs
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
