What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
