the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
