I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
