We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
