my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
