Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
