I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
