I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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