Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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