Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
