i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
