I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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