I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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