This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
