I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
