i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
